How to Stay Married

Sexologist Dr Pepper Schwartz offers five ways to probe your feelings – and prove your love:

1. Do you have trouble finding solutions to problems together? It’s not about persuading your spouse that you’re right. It’s whether the two of you can consistently find a comfortable middle ground.

2. Is your spouse making most of the decisions? Your point of view needs a full and fair hearing before you both decide on an outcome.

3. Does he or she withhold affection? It’s not just about sex – holding hands and hugging are essential. Do you share a smile or kiss at the end of the day?

4. Is your mate defensive? Are you? Shoulder responsibility and suggest starting again. That will make it easier to admit you were wrong.

5. Is he or she inflexible? You don’t want your spouse to be stuck in a rut. The priorities you set 20 years ago may not apply if one of you loses a job or gets sick. Bottom line: if you’ve answered yes to most of these questions, it’s time to get to work. Discussing your answers might be a good place to start.

How to know when to divorce

You’re tempted to. But first try one simple thing, as passed down from a wise woman to her daughter. Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper. On the left-hand side, write a list of your partner’s offences; on the right, how you react to each. Cut the paper down the middle. Crumple up the list on the left. Reread the list on the right. If you see a lot of screaming and storming out, take a breath and reflect on your actions.