How to deal with manipulators
In How to Deal with Master Manipulators (DVD and workbook, $69.95), Sydney psychologist Dr Mary Casey suggests strategies for handling emotional buttonpushers.
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The first step, she says, is learning to identify the tactics to which they regularly resort, such as:
REFUTATION: When a person denies outright that they’ve done anything wrong.
DISTRACTION: Changing the subject to evade the issue or gain time. (“Forget about me, what about what you said?!)
THREATS: Using concealed or open threats to keep you anxious. (“I don’t even know why I’m here any more; this isn’t working for me.”)
FOSTERING GUILT: Suggesting you are selfish to make you feel bad and want to repair the “damage”. (“I spent money on this gift for you, and look at how you thank me.”)
CHARM: Using praise or open flattery to gain your confidence. (“I was thinking of you today and I couldn’t help but buy this gift for you.”)
SHIFTING THE BLAME: Moving responsibility onto you in subtle ways. (“Are you going to get all emotional again?”)
DECEPTION: Withholding or distorting the truth, being vague or coming up with pathetic excuses. (“This happens all the time when a partner is having an affair,” says Dr Casey, below.)
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