My husband, a war-movie buff, and my six-year-old daughter sat in front of the TV watching actual World War II footage of the unconditional surrender that ended the war with Japan. As General Douglas MacArthur and Japan's General Umeza stood on the deck of the USS Missouri and signed documents -- under the watchful gaze of Allied troops -- my daughter was confused. "What's wrong?" asked my husband.

Pointing to the set, she said, "Which one is John Wayne?"

My dry cleaner very generously gives each customer a free copy of our daily newspaper. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost."

"Oh, don't worry about us," he said. "Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint."

The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library. So when my husband's co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks looking confused, she asked how she could help.

"I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.

"Which one?" she asked.

He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."

My father was the presiding judge in a case involving a man charged with tax evasion. As the defendant stood before him alone, Dad asked if he had counsel. Looking toward the ceiling, the man replied, "Jesus Christ is my counselor and defender."

My father nodded slowly while framing his next question, which was, "Do you have local counsel?"

Football players at the high school where I worked were stealing the practice jerseys, so the coach ordered a set with "Property of Central High School" emblazoned on them. When the thefts continued, he ordered a new batch that had the imprint "Stolen from Central High School." But the jerseys still kept disappearing. The larceny finally stopped after he changed the wording to "Central High School 4th String."

His residency complete, my friend's son, Dennis, thought about setting up practice in Great Falls, Montana. He liked the town but suggested his wife visit as well. Barely there a day, she came home and announced, "Let's move."

Surprised at her snap judgment, he asked, "Did you look at some homes, or even go downtown?"

"Nope."

"What makes you so certain?" Dennis prodded.

"I pulled over to the side of the road outside of town and popped my hood," she explained. "Within a half-hour a dozen people stopped to help."

At five-ten and 114 pounds, our son, Dan, is the skinniest player on his high school football team. During one of his games, I remarked to a cousin, "I wonder why they gave him the uniform with the number 1 on it."

"It's probably the only one that fit," she said.