Seen on the door of a repair shop:

WE CAN FIX ANYTHING. (Please knock on the door—the bell doesn't work.)

"For sale," read the ad in our hospital’s weekly newsletter, "sleeveless wedding gown, white, size 8, veil included. Worn once, by mistake."

Our family took shelter in the basement after hearing a tornado warning. My husband told everyone to stay put while he got his cell phone out of the car, in case the lines went dead. He didn't return for the longest time, so I went looking for him. I was upstairs calling his name, when I heard our phone machine click on. "Hi," a voice said. "This is Dad. I'm locked out of the house."

Looking over the job listings on The Home Depot website, I noticed one with a highly peculiar job description: "On rare occasions there may be a need to move or lift light articles. Examples include executive assistant, bank loan officer and accounting clerk."

One of my friends, a musician, is always upbeat. Nothing gets her down. But when she developed ringing in one ear, I was concerned it might overwhelm even her. When I asked if her condition was especially annoying to a musician, she shook her head. "Not really," she said cheerfully. "The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello a half-tone lower."

 

 

A phone company representative called to ask if I was interested in caller ID. Since I'm blind, I asked, "Does it come in Braille?"

The rep put me on hold. When she returned, she replied, "I'm sorry, sir, but the caller ID box doesn't come in that color."

 

 

The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students took over. "Your hard drive crashed," he said.

I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed."

"We can't just send people down on your say-so. How do you know that's the problem?"

"A student told me," I answered.

"We'll send someone over right away."