13 Things Your Shopping Centre Santa Won't Tell You

1. Never force your screaming kid onto my lap. Just bring him close and give me a few minutes. I’ve got plenty of tricks up my sleeve.

2. Some of us get bonuses for making our daily photo quota. So please forgive me if I try to move things along.

3. I make good money during the festive season by doing this, but cut me some slack. Between October and December, most of us work about forty 10-hour days and listen to 30,000 children.

4. Wondering why both of my white-gloved hands are always where you can see them? Ask my lawyer.

5. I’m sorry Grandma is in heaven or that Mum and Dad have split up. But even Santa can only do so much, so let’s just stick with what you’d like to unwrap on the big day.

6. Want to have more than just a few seconds with me? Skip the shopping centre. Let’s meet at your kid’s preschool or a photo studio that invites Santa in for special portraits.

7. As a matter of fact, I did go to school for this. Topics of study: how to hold children, manage sticky conversations, and care for my hair and beard.